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An Erasure of Sorts: An Abandoned America Blog

Posted: 22nd February 2014
In: Blog

There was a point - it seems like so very long ago -
where it seemed like there was a purpose to all of this.
I'm not sure what it was:
maybe it was in some sequence of events that I could affect,
maybe in acquiring things,
maybe in making the ever important numbers increase.
It was about getting more, about the illusion of control,
about not spiraling out of my depth into the darkness
but I did anyway.

Then there was that day,
that day where I looked at everything I had put together
and it struck me how mind-bendingly pointless it all was.
I had never cared, even though I tried and
I certainly couldn't pretend I did any more.
I had known it was all a joke all along, a
joke with no punch line, something
you mumble over and over again to yourself and pretend it's funny
but if someone else heard it they'd be frightened.

The day of the fire I was
relieved, really. It felt like I was free.
All those things, all those hopes -
swallowed by flame and lifted in cherry-red embers
up into the sky, far away, where someone else would tend to them.
I knew it was where everything I had done was meant to be.
Laughing until tears cut through the lines of soot on my face,
I told the heavens they could keep it all.
I didn't want it any more, I didn't want anything.
Sitting up there in the dark amidst
the shadows of familiar things now twisted and blackened,
with lazy ashes swirling in the last fleeting rays of sunshine,
I knew I was where I belonged.

This was what it all had been leading up to all along:
an erasure of sorts, a long sigh,
and then the silence.

'an erasure of sorts' taken at the Hotel Dode, a residential hotel destroyed by fire and left abandoned afterward. The full gallery is on my website here.

If you're interested in more Abandoned America blogs, follow this link. If you enjoy my writing, check out my books: Abandoned America: Dismantling the Dream (Amazon / Barnes & Noble) or Abandoned America: The Age of Consequences (Amazon / Barnes & Noble / Signed copies).


Photo comment By Bruce Manchester, Esquire: I am the attorney for the Bellefonte Historical Cultural Association, a local group of people dedicated to preserving our Victorian Heritage. We have aggressively challenged the means that were used to bring these buildings down. The case is pending in the PA Supreme Court. It all came together for me yesterday after viewing the movie, Monument Men. In order to understand who we are as a people we must have tangible access to our societal past. Our heritage is dwindling which causes our current malease.

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