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I am still with you

I am still with you - The Estey Farm
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Looking back through the ever-accurate lens of hindsight,
all the scattered bits of my life coalesce
and like a completed jigsaw puzzle, everything
I have done becomes clear as one cohesive whole.
It should be obvious now that I have been speaking to you not
from your side of the veil, but beyond;
that I knew all along that my own undoing was nearing
and that there was nothing that could be done to stop it.
Perhaps you feel as though there could have been
some way to prevent it, some magic words to change the past
yet my end was inevitable.
It always was, and I always knew it.
I tell you this now, though I am no longer:
do not mourn what I once was.
Do not worry yourself with other ways things might have been.
I do not want your pity, your guilt, or your sorrow -
I only ask for your understanding and forgiveness.
I hope you will see that when you walk through these ruins of my life
that when freed of the constricting confines of the here and now,
I am everlasting.
You may see my remnants and remains, but the past -
the past is immutable and in it I live on
in buildings no longer collapsing, in
homes no longer torn asunder.
These places were once beautiful and perhaps I once was too.
I had hopes and dreams. I laughed and loved. I
tried to do the best I could, and I tried my best
to make sense of this senseless world around me.
I am not sorry my life ended, for
that is the way of all things.
Please, please do not be sorry either.
I am still with you.
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Photograph and text by Matthew Christopher of Abandoned America


Also in: The Estey Farm

so many ways to lose
all things far away
fixed and final
the day I died
it always wins in the end