Pilgrim State Hospital (Brentwood, NY) | before you turned away

i still remember how in the days leading up to your departure
i fooled myself into believing that it would only be for a little while,
and if i could be patient we would eventually be reunited.
there had to be a way, if only i were clever enough to think of it.

there was a moment, right before you turned away,
where i saw it in your eyes. i knew that
what had meant so much to me was gone. i knew, and
part of me collapsed, though it made no sound.

there were so many things before you. the world was yours,
and all those qualities about you that i so adored would
lead you to successes, laughter, loves, and dreams
that i could not share. you did not want me to.

i kept it there, that place that i'd made for you. as time wore on,
it would fall into disrepair, but still i visited it often and
stood in the dusty stillness and glacial sunlight. i stood
and i watched as you turned to go, again and again and again.
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Photograph and text by Matthew Christopher
Exterior, Medical/Surgical complex, Pilgrim State Hospital, Long Island NY. 2009