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what i wanted

what i wanted - Portside Power Plant*
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I think in a way it was what I wanted
I pushed one limit too far, took one risk too many.
as I adjusted the tripod, the floor gave way beneath me,
the rusty metal grating crumbling under my feet
with so little warning, with so little fanfare
just the oxidized, razor sharp edges ripping
through my clothes as I descended,
then a long moment of nothing, of dozens of yards of space.
I landed in an awkward position, legs and arms akimbo,
and I knew I was hurt badly, so badly it could never be fixed.
Somewhere far up above I saw
a swirling mass of shimmering light
something pure and holy, whose warmth
soothed the final spasms of my limbs
and I understood this thing i saw would give me another chance.
I closed my eyes and felt myself lifted back up,
through the hole from which I came as
the floor collected itself into the semblance of wholeness
that fooled me into stepping on it to begin with.
I stood at the entryway of the room, took a deep breath,
turned for a moment to look again at the direction from which i entered,
then exhaled slowly, and walked back onto the rusty grating,
and set up my tripod once again.
Falling was what I had always wanted all along.
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Portside Power Plant (a pseudonym), 2006. Photograph and text by Matthew Christopher of Abandoned America


Also in: Portside Power Plant*

a certain kind of emptiness
echoes from the life behind
rendered drab by the shadows of time
of forms assembled in the light
locked from the inside
counterpoint to our fundamental failures
a symbol for the century
the trail of the past
in things continually vanishing
hard to say